Retirement is NOT What I Expected

Posted: February 19, 2015 in Uncategorized
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When I was younger, I noticed old people sitting around, rocking on front porch swings, watching television, and basically, just relaxing. When I was forced into early retirement due to medical reasons, I was surprised to be put into such unexplored territory when I wasn’t yet 66 (the age at which I was told that anyone born in 1951 was supposed to retire). What should have been a joyful situation became instead a future filled with angst. The money I got from social security barely paid for anything, so I had to find smaller accommodations. AND I had to figure out a way to make money – fast.

Over the past several months, I have been BUSY BUSY BUSY trying to make my life work for me. I’ve had to sell my home, pack up my belongings, find a new place to live, move, unpack, and settle in. What helps me financially is caring for three of my grandchildren, because my youngest daughter pays me to care for them (without her help, I probably would be living in squalor somewhere).

For the holidays and since after the holidays, I’ve also been crocheting gifts for family and friends, and for money, I sell some items in my daughter’s consignment boutique. Another thing – things actually – that I’ve been handling are so many family issues that to write all of them down would take a book. I wrote about one of them recently in my article, Cancer Strikes Again when I discussed my grandson, Jeremy, and his bone cancer diagnosis.

My life, since this past summer, feels as if I have been in a tailspin with no hope of ever slowing down. To be more precise, I feel as if I have been living with the fast-forward button pressed down in a perpetual state of hyperactivity that sometimes leaves me exhausted and dreaming of a vacation.

My image of retirement always included a lake – living in a home with a huge screened-in back porch, looking out at the lake while I penned my books, my articles, and my screenplays, crocheting, making jewelry, and spending time doing whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. And in calling forth that memory of my ideal life, it occurred to me that I never really planned on retiring – ever. Even in my fantasies, I’m ALWAYS doing something. I will – hopefully – never be the type of retiree who sits in front of a television all day. Life, to me anyway, is to be lived, not viewed.

  1. Coral says:

    Yes, yes, and YES!! Until my dying breath, I am LIVING. 🙂

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