I Was The Ponytail Girl

Posted: August 12, 2014 in Uncategorized
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My mother is one of those people who has the ability to endure extreme pain, way beyond what most humans could tolerate. If, for example, an ax slammed into her ribs, Mom probably wouldn’t even wince. So she has never been particularly sensitive to other’s pain. When I was doubled over with menstrual cramps, for instance, she would roll her eyes and force me to go to school, even though I obviously couldn’t stand up straight, and even when blood poured out of my eyes.

Because her pain tolerance is so high, I thought my sisters and I must have slid out of her slathered in baby oil. But I now know that she is made out of a combination of wurtzite boron nitride and lonsdaleite (look it up – it’s stronger than diamonds).

For obvious reasons, when she combed her girls’ hair, Mom showed no mercy. She would begin at the crown and just rip through clumps of hair all the way down to the end in a fast and furious motion that left our scalps screaming and bald. Surprisingly, we didn’t bleed to death, but I remember that for some reason, she thought I looked good in a ponytail, so she would rip at my scalp until she formed THE PERFECT ponytail, smooth and TIGHT.

But this wasn’t your ordinary perfect ponytail. This was a ponytail formed from the worst pain ever. Mom made sure that my scalp – from my forehead to above my ears, and even to my neck – was pulled so tightly, I had to walk around with my shoulders hugging my ears to avoid even more pain, because to move even a fraction of an inch meant ripping the hair from my head. And when she ripped the rubber band out of my hair –

wait – I have to explain the rubber band. This was not a coated rubber band like the ones available today. This was the type that was assured to provide the worst possible pain –

anyway, when the rubber band was pulled out of my hair, the pain from my heavy thick hair was so excruciating that my scalp practically burned from the weight of my hair falling like bricks from my follicles to my shoulders.

As I sit here reminiscing about my fun childhood, I notice that today, as every other day during the summer, because I can’t stand the heat my hair generates, I am once again wearing a ponytail. But unlike the hair implements my mother used, I use the Tangle Teezer – BEST BRUSH EVER – to soothingly brush my hair!

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