Join Me In Whine Country!

Posted: March 6, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Imagine the stage at the Academy Awards sometime in the future. Next up – BEST SCREENWRITER. 

All eyes fall upon me, the former NOBODY that NOBODY knew. I was the one who wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote, and now, FINALLY, at the ripe old age of ancient, I am being recognized for my talent, but I don’t know that yet. I wipe my mouth and straighten my hair, because, after all, why else would everybody be looking at me?

Pause. Several actually. Oh. I get it. I actually won!

I hobble to the stage after the person next to me nudges me forward. I didn’t hear my name mentioned, you see, because I am now so old, my hearing is gone.

But I get there, slowly, slowly, slowly – agonizingly slowly. The crowd has already lost interest. They can barely contain themselves.

Who is this decrepit old lady hobbling to the stage? And why isn’t she dead yet? They must have resurrected her from the Stone Age. 

I know what everybody is thinking, because I can almost hear their thoughts. I’ve been waiting a hundred years for this moment, though, and nobody is taking it away from me, even if the moment stretches to minutes or even hours.

I thought I would be one of those women who was remembered posthumously, but ha! Here I am, winning an award for one of my screenplays and yes, I am thankful that I am still alive. All these thoughts run through my head. It’s happening. It’s finally happening.

It’s like being in a dream. The more steps I take toward that stage, the further away it seems to be from me.

Yawning. Stretching. People get up to go to the bathroom – and return – while I slowly make my way down the aisle. The ultra-famous host (who hasn’t been born yet), cracks jokes and tries to come up with anything he can think to bide the time.

Little boys carry me up the stage and to the podium. By now my body has shrunk to a height of less than 3 feet and my lipstick is smeared across my face. Somebody hands me a microphone. And just before I take my last breath, I say – to the amazement of the entire audience there and at home – Don’t be a posthumous writer! NEVER give up! No matter how old you get to be, NEVER give up!

They carry me off the stage, and I think to myself (in spirit I can still think), EVERYBODY will remember this moment and me for the rest of their lives.

Back up! Let’s pretend that the Academy Awards are actually occurring in 2015. I won three awards at the Scriptapalooza Contest when the winners will be announced in October of 2012. My movies and television sitcom have appeared at theaters and on television screens around the world. And I am still alive 😉

Much better ending – or is it only the beginning?

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