I Wish I Was an Airline

Posted: December 1, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Seems a lot of sadness, depression, hurt feelings, and unexpected negative experiences occur around the holidays, especially with the economy as bad as it is. Parents consider giving food and other necessities rather than toys and other luxuries as gifts to their kids.

It’s hard for me to not get sucked in, especially when the people I love feel hurt or depressed. My heart is so connected to them, their pain penetrates my heart.

But rather than spend my time focusing on sadness and negativity (my own sometimes), I’d rather rip open a vein, splay that pain and frustration in a blog, and bleed it out of myself.

Several months ago I was wallowing – and wallowing deeply – in self pity. My health was failing and I was struggling to pay my bills, hoping to win the lottery (which was highly unlikely considering I never play the lottery). But despite everything that has happened to me, despite everything that is still happening to me, I’ve decided that I’d like to be an airline.

You read that correctly – an airline. I want the government to bail me out like they do all the big corporations who can’t afford to pay their bills.

And I want the State of Illinois to stop causing me grief. First they forced Amazon out of Illinois because of Illinois’ exorbitant taxes, and that affected me personally, because I had hoped to make money from Amazon on my blogs. I’ll never know now if I could have made money from Amazon, because Amazon pulled out of my blogs. I live in Illinois.

In addition to the whammy Amazon slammed on me and other Illinois residents, I got notice that I still owed Illinois more taxes than I had already paid them in 2008, but I didn’t get the notice from the state of Illinois – I got it from an attorney!

That Illinois (the attorneys actually) came after insignificant me, who made close to $7,000 that year and they required close to $500 in back taxes, astounds me. Seriously, if you took even 1% of the income from the wealthiest corporations – you know, the ones who don’t pay taxes – you would have enough money to pay my Illinois state taxes for the rest of my life and the lives of my children and grandchildren. But why should corporations pay taxes at all when they can ask for government bail-outs?

And what is it with these collection attorneys? I think their conversations with the state of Illinois sound something like this, “Hey, if you have anybody from the lowest economic group, let us know. Don’t tell them we’ve contacted you and send them no warnings about owing back taxes. Otherwise we lose out on an opportunity to steal from the poor.

Send them straight to collections. Do not pass go. They have no idea they owe back taxes, since they’ve already paid their taxes, so this will come as a huge surprise. Corporations and some slick high-tax-bracket individuals know how to slip through the loopholes we created for them, but the ones who lost their jobs due to illness or downsizing and the ones who have fallen through the cracks are the ones who pay our salaries. Just let us know what the poor chumps owe you, we’ll double what you’ve decided they owe, and we can both reap the benefits. Oh, one more thing wait for the holidays.”

Notice how reap and rape have the same letters? Just saying’.

Anyway, in addition to those problems, over the past couple of months, I’ve had random Internet connection problems, lots of house problems, and numerous computer problems. I will be paying the State of Illinois and the ceiling and roofing guys (for water damage and a mold problem) probably for the rest of my life.

Oh well. I don’t care if it takes me the rest of my life to pay them – all I can afford to pay the attorney is $10 a month, which the State of Illinois has agreed to accept. And the roofing guys haven’t complained about my $25 a month payment, either, after I paid them half my $1,000 deductible.

What I have found over these many many years is that when I feel overwhelmed, I wallow in self pity for as long as it takes for me to climb out of the pit of despair. After a while, after I am boneless, I develop a spine, put myself back together – unlike Humpty Dumpty – and take a step.

That’s all it takes – one step – in any direction. Any direction takes me forward and away from my self. If I’ve made a wrong decision, I can backtrack, but at least I’m moving. I’ve made some horrible decisions in the past. And all of them brought me to now. Good or bad, they brought me here – now.

Despite the financial struggles and the fear that I was going to lose my home, I’ve decided that I will keep my home. It’s warm, open, airy, and big enough to sleep any family members (or friends) who come to visit. I have to hope that the items I’m crocheting will sell somewhere – once I get my laptop fixed so I can photograph the items.

The difficulty for me in dealing with so much negativity is trying to maintain a good attitude. And so I rely on quotes like George Harrison’s, “All things must pass.” And things do pass. I’ve lived long enough to know that what is happening now won’t be happening a year from now, and what happened last year isn’t happening now.

I’ve learned that if I can’t keep my home, it wasn’t meant to be. Simple as that. I move on. Somewhere.

But my focus has to be on the good things in my life, the people I love, the things that bring me pleasure – time spent with family and friends, writing, crocheting, and my home.

Sometimes I have to remind myself to enjoy little things because little things remind me that life isn’t always bad. So I pay attention to mornings like one Saturday morning when I was first in line at the post office, first in line at the bank, and first in line at the Walgreens drive-through prescription pick-up lane. How often does that happen?

Today the sun is shining, and my home is peaceful and comfortable. The furnace if functioning, the clock is ticking, and my heart is beating.

Though I still have difficulty breathing, though I still have a little more than three and a half years to take my chemo meds, though my air conditioning needs repair before next Spring, and though my laptop needs repair, I have a comfortable bed with soft cuddly blankets, a semi-working laptop with fix-it CDs on the way to my house so I can repair it, a newly repaired roof over my head, a car that runs, electricity that works, a fireplace if it doesn’t, and water to drink.

But more important, I have a creative imagination I can access for my writing and my crocheting, and I have family and friends I cherish and adore.

One phone call from any of them, one text message or one email from people I love is all it takes to get me out of my slump and over the hump to higher ground where I can look at everything from above and be thankful for the little things.

And it is from that position that I aspire to be  – an airline – because the airline would get pardoned for millions of dollars worth of debt. And if I were an ailine, the state of Illinois would forgive my back taxes (which I don’t think I owe, incidentally, but “owe well” – the owe well, by the way, is a pit attorneys push unsuspecting clients into when those clients, already living below the poverty level, become even more deeply buried in debt due to the exorbitant attorneys’ fees).

If you would like to read more from this author, click any of the following links:

All Craft Connection

Your Weird Dreams 
Your Blog Connection 
Help For Single Parents
My Heart Blogs To You 
Writing Creatively
Paranormal Minds 
Product Favorites 
Theresa Wiza’s Blog
My Associated Content Articles 
My Xomba Articles 

Thank you for visiting!

  1. Beth says:

    I like “AutoAir!”

    I’ve awarded you for your utter awesomeness (and for the chance that you might repay me with cookies). Just clickety-click to collect your goodies.

    You realize, of course, that by ‘goodies,’ I mean a pic that you totally could have swiped anyway and not felt any obligation to meet the demands that come with being an award winner, right? Yeah, I thought so.

  2. Nancy says:

    Great blog. Love that you always rise above all the “turds” thrown at you. Glad that your house is cozy and I pray that your airline aspirations (is that the correct word) are met. Love you from the bottom of my heart.

  3. Beth says:

    You can be an airline and I’ll be a giant auto manufacturer. We’ll have loads of cash in no time at all. You can fly us to Hawaii and I’ll get us some spiffy wheels to tool around in.

    • theresawiza says:

      Beth, that sounds GREAT! I’ve never been to Hawaii! We could even combine our large corporations. How about calling ourselves, “AutoAir” – kind of rides like the wind, doesn’t it? 😉

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