Dating Advice from My Mother

Posted: December 28, 2009 in 1
I was a Freshman in high school with absolutely no idea about how to attract boys. Ron was a Senior and I was completely enamored with him.  I knew between which periods I would find him, I knew he was a musician, and I knew that he just had to be my boyfriend.

I also knew where he lived. Along with a friend of mine, I would pace back and forth in front of his home (in my defense we did the same thing for guys she liked) hoping he might accidentally look out of his window and discover me standing there, become immediately attracted to me, and race out of his house to embrace me. However, if he looked out of his window at all or if he was even home, I never knew it.

And I was still no more successful at getting him to notice me than I was before I found his house.

I complained to my mom that though I crossed his path frequently throughout the day and stalked him in the afternoons, he never noticed my existence. I asked her how I could get him to notice me.

Try staring at him, my mom suggested. And when he looks your way, don’t immediately look away. Let him know you’re interested in him. Prolong the look.

That sounded easy. Maybe if I stared at him long enough, he would get that feeling that everybody gets when they know somebody is looking at them. And then, finally, he would notice me.

In my teenage fantasy, we would begin a fairy tale romance that ended with us getting married in a castle (his house had pillars in front of it).

The next day, I saw Ron at our usual meeting place, in the hallway between buildings. And I stared at him. Relentlessly. I never looked away. I tried not to blink and I sent daggers of interest directly into his eyes, hoping they would find their way into his heart.

But something else happened. Instead of finding love and tenderness, I saw a look of sheer terror cross his face. He notice me all right. He looked away immediately and took off. I never saw him again that year. Wherever he met his friends after my death stare, was probably in a different building or on a different floor.

Since that day, I’ve learned that I tend to take things too literally, something I guess my mom never figured out despite the many signs I offered her.

Like the time we were playing Candy Land and I came to a place that said I couldn’t move until I drew a red card.

I immediately jumped up and ran over to the junk drawer while my family sat at the table with their jaws wide open asking, “What the heck are you doing?”

Wasn’t it obvious? I was looking for a red crayon.

Anyway, what my mom should have said was that when I caught his eye, I should look with interest and longing, not with eyes slivered with the intensity of a serial killer.

But I got what I wanted. He noticed me. Thanks, Mom.

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Comments
  1. This is hilarious!! Poor guy–wonder what ever became of him?? You should look him up on Facebook now!

  2. Kathie Opiola says:

    Would I happen to know who that friend is?

  3. Janet Hunt says:

    Oh, I am so laughing at this one! I can relate… 🙂 That was a brilliant piece of work!

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