Things You Cover Up – Your Unmentionables

Posted: September 2, 2009 in 1

Every time my parents went on vacation when I was a young adult, my mother would sit us down and talk about their will and what we should do IF she and my father died on their vacations. I don’t know if she thought my father was going to kill them both or if vacationing with my father was just too scary a thought to reasonably assure their survival.

In any event, my mother always made sure she wore the most fashionable underwear, because, as I was also told over and over, when you die you DON’T want to be found dead wearing ugly, ripped, or torn underwear. What if the paramedics or doctors saw you wearing those embarrassing fabrics of cloth?

My father could have cared less about underwear because it just wasn’t a concern of his. If he had died in his ugly, ripped, and matted boxers or briefs, only Mom would have been utterly humiliated. As a result, because Mom didn’t have a job when my sisters and I were growing up, he never gave Mom money for what he considered frivolous expenditures. She would throw his torn clothes in the garbage and he would retrieve them, arguing that there were at least a few more good years in them.

Because Dad wouldn’t consider buying underwear for us as we grew up (who sees underwear), Mom always made it part of our Christmas presents, and, when we grew older, she maintained her present-giving gift of underwear.

My underwear lasted quite a while because I didn’t have knobby butt bones or razor sharp hip bones, so after a while it got to the point where I needed a new dresser just to hold all of the underwear. And after a longer while, I needed a truck just to move all of my panties, so I asked her to stop buying them for me.

Fast forward to me now as a grown “older” adult, no longer receiving those precious panty gifts and having to purchase them myself. Anybody who knows me knows I hate shopping, so I do all of mine online.

And I have to choose carefully – I DO NOT want anybody accusing me of wearing the dreaded “Granny Panties!” I have to find cute panties that won’t embarrass me when I’m dead.

So, Mom, this blog’s for you. Christmas is coming. Remember when you used to call me on a Saturday morning at 5 AM in September, asking me for my Christmas list NOW? Well, look HERE.

P.S. This Christmas I actually need new panties. So I want the ones found HERE  (Cosabella Anais Lowrider Thong) and HERE (Juicy Couture panties).

And this part is for my grandchildren: I dare you to call me a Granny-Panty-wearing grandma now!

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