If you’re one of those lucky people who has never had a problem “going,” you won’t be able to relate to this post. If you’re disgusted by bodily functions, you’ll probably want to bypass this post …
Tags: Dynamite Concoction, bowel movement, laxatives, stool softeners, warm apple cider, Smooth Move tea, Benefiber, coffee, constipation, chronic constipation, colonoscopy, HealthDay
UPDATE: While this method worked for a solid three weeks, after three weeks, it stopped working continuously. That may have been because I wasn’t drinking as much water as I should have (I kept forgetting to drink water and water is necessary for fiber consumption; otherwise your stomach feels swollen and full). My body retaliated and refused to cooperate by allowing anything that entered the body to be expelled from the body. I felt bloated and way too full. As a result, I would recommend NOT following this program every day. Instead I would try it for two days on, then three days off, two days on, three days off, etc. Also remember to breathe, deeply and fully. Shallow breaths don’t help to move things along.
If you’re one of those lucky people who has never had a problem “going,” you won’t be able to relate to this post. If you’re disgusted by bodily functions, you’ll probably want to bypass this post as well. Because I’m going to be talking about poop – and especially the inability to poop. So if you’re sensitive to the discussion of bowel evacuation, look away, because I’m about to share some information that a lot of you will consider to be TMI (too much information). My goal, however, is to help others who suffer from the uncomfortable and often painful problem of constipation.
As far back as babyhood, I have had the annoying and frustrating habit of “not going.” My mother often reminds me about how I cried relentlessly as an infant and how colicky I was. I remember sitting in the bathroom as a teenager trying to force myself to go. I remember my father standing on the other side of the bathroom door, asking, “Have you fallen in?” which I think further contributed to my inability to relax enough to go. Knowing that somebody is taunting you from the other side of the only bathroom you share with the rest of the family is too much pressure, and not in the right area.
Though I tried and tried, I often went weeks without producing any bowel movements at all. Nothing made me feel more sluggish than carrying around what felt to be a hundred pounds of poop.
According to HealthDay from US News, I’m not the only one suffering from this problem. Chronic constipation affects nearly 63 million people and it can lead to more serious complications such as, “hemorrhoids, anal fissures, fecal incontinence, colonic conditions and urologic disorders.”
The article further states, “At least an association has been shown between constipation and other conditions, too. Studies of people with rectal prolapse, in which the rectum becomes stretched and protrudes from the anus, suggest such a relationship. More than 50 percent of people with anal fissures, which are small splits or tears in anal tissue, also have constipation. And fecal incontinence, the second most common cause for nursing home admissions, often occurs along with constipation, the researchers noted.”
Constipation affects us in ways we often don’t realize. For example, every morning during my working years, I had to rush – to get the kids ready, to get myself ready, to get to work on time (the list goes on and on), so for somebody like me, relaxing my body enough to defecate took too much time. Kids rushing in to use the same bathroom, everybody needing me for one reason or another, just didn’t allow me whatever time I needed to get the job done. I also didn’t have the luxury of escaping my workplace for prolonged periods of time, so I never went, except for maybe on a weekend when I had nothing else to do. Which was never.
I once asked a doctor what happened to waste that didn’t expel from a body. He said it had to go somewhere and if it didn’t go through normal channels, it got reabsorbed into the body and expelled through pores in the skin and through the lungs. Does anything sound more disgusting?
So I tried laxatives and stool softeners and teas, and though Smooth Move tea worked occasionally, NOTHING worked consistently. Even laxatives, something that everybody insisted would most definitely work, didn’t. Using them just made me feel more bloated than ever.
Enemas produced slight results, but not enough to help me feel completely empty. I couldn’t even use the entire product before it leaked out, possibly because of a blockage or because my body was retaliating from being forced to go. On days when I felt I might be able to move my bowels, what I produced amounted to a couple of stools the size of bunny pellets. I still felt bloated and uncomfortable. And frustrated! I had always read about how “proper eliminations” would help me feel better, but how does one achieve that goal when chronic constipation prevents one from evacuating the bowels?
When three weeks passed without eliminating anything (a previously common occurrence for me), and I finally felt the urge to go, the pain was so exceedingly excruciating, I felt as if I was giving birth to a baseball. My rectum split open and bled, and what finally emerged, after weeks of clogging my intestines, also clogged the toilet. For years I felt not only frustrated, but also angry. Doctors offered only smirky, pseudo-sympathetic nods. Colonoscopies revealed nothing, and the only thing doctors suggested was what I was already taking – stool softeners. Perhaps what I suffered from was merely a “sluggish” bowel, they said. Well, after experiencing chronic constipation for nearly 65 years, I was determined to WAKE UP that sluggish bowel!
One day a very close relative (who would be humiliated if I mentioned her name, but who suffers from the same problem) and I talked about how we envisioned using dynamite to relieve ourselves from this painful problem. After fantasizing about how good it would feel to be completely empty, a lightbulb exploded in my brain – I would use EVERYTHING TOGETHER! And I would call it Dynamite!
But how I would I prepare such a concoction?
Through experimentation, intuition, and research, I developed my own workable solution, and it is, in a word, Dynamite!
What is Dynamite, you ask? Obviously, I’m not talking about nitroglycerine explosives, though I think you get a fairly good picture about what exactly I intended to do to get myself “moving” – no – I’m talking about a mixture of guaranteed-to-work poop bombs! I decided to tackle the problem from as many different angles as possible – all at once. I already knew I had to increase my water intake and my fiber consumption, but what if I attacked the problem head-on with an arsenal of weaponry?
Guess what! It worked! I’m on day 7 now and I hope I’m not jinxing myself by announcing this solution too early. I hope I’m setting into motion a solution that will continue to work so that I don’t have to rely on this arsenal every day for the rest of my life. I’m hoping that once my body gets used to doing what it was supposed to do since birth, it will figure out how to “properly eliminate” on its own.
So what is this arsenal?
It’s a combination of solutions. Yes, I drink as much water as I can. Yes, I eat as much fiber as I can. But in addition to those solutions, every morning for the past 7 mornings, I have made myself a cup of coffee (something I drink every day, but it has never helped produce results; however, it is a stimulant, so I hope to get the “baseball” rolling by starting my day with it). After coffee, I warm some apple cider, into which I drop a Smooth Move tea bag and 2 teaspoons of Benefiber.
At night I take 2 stool softeners and a laxative (in pill form). In the morning, while drinking my coffee, I take in slow deep breaths and exhale slowly (breathing properly is important – as an asthmatic, I had to factor in the possibility that lung function and bowel function were related). Either during my cup of coffee or during my cup of cider tea, when my nose begins to run (a relationship exists between sinuses and bowels – every time I feel the need to go, my nose runs), I feel my Dynamite working!
While I don’t have a customary exercise routine, I try to move as much as possible, to do in 10 steps what might normally take me only 2 steps. In other words, I move more often than I would normally move, especially when I am performing routine tasks. If, for example, instead of grabbing everything from my dryer and walking to the bedroom to hang up everything at once, I hang up one piece of clothing at a time, walking from my washing machine or dryer all the way into the bedroom for each article of clothing. “Moving” apparently prepares the mind to move everything inside the body.
So far, this week has been the most enjoyable week of my entire life – I have “gone” 7 days in a row!
I’ll repeat the Dynamite Concoction recipe here:
Drink lots of water
Eat lots of fiber
1 Cup of Coffee, followed by
1 Cup of Warm Apple Cider with one Smooth Move tea bag and 2 teaspoons of Benefiber.
2 stool softeners and a laxative (in pill form)
If you decide to try my Dynamite Concoction, give yourself some time. Go about your daily routine. Allow the concoction to work without force. Relax. Breathe. Don’t expect instantaneous results. You’ll put too much pressure on yourself and your body will retaliate by holding everything in. If you normally rush to work in the morning, slow down. Put your makeup on while you sit on the toilet if necessary, because if you’re used to being constipated, you might be surprised by the urge to go on the first day after using my Dynamite Concoction. You may even have to take a Health Day (as opposed to a sick day).
I hope my Dynamite Concoction works as well for you as it does for me! Let’s start a movement, a Bowel Movement!
Disclaimer – I am not a doctor. All products can be found on store shelves. I would advise checking with your doctor if you have any concerns or if you suffer from other medical conditions beyond chronic constipation.
Rarely, though more often these days, do people reach out for help when they need it. For a number of reasons, people who need help keep silent, possibly because of the abuse and criticism to which they know they will be subjected; possibly because they’re “too proud” to ask for help.
This couple, though, Lyn and Rich, reached out for help, and “friends” backed out of the way, because, after all, their situation resulted from choices they made.
I empathize completely. My choices made me a single parent – twice. My choices sucked me into poverty. Some people were astoundingly critical. The criticisms and condemnations were hurtful. I held down two and sometimes three jobs while going to school full time in order to improve my circumstances while raising my youngest three children. It was an exhausting time, but necessary.
So, yes, the repercussions that resulted from my decisions (I take full ownership) shouldn’t have to be your problem. Why should you help somebody like me when I chose to marry the men who either refused to pay any child support at all or who paid less than they were supposed to pay?
My situation was different from Lyn’s and Rich’s, though. My parents and one of my sisters stepped forward to help me financially when cars broke down (which happened often) and other sudden unexpected expenses arose. Even with their help, I still lived at or below the poverty level, but I survived with the help of my family.
Lyn and Rich aren’t so lucky with financial support. They met online, formed a business partnership (they’re both freelance writers), and fell in love. On the day Lyn was supposed to fly out to be with him, Rich discovered he had cancer and had to undergo treatment. Lyn was by his side at the hospital throughout his treatments and when chemo was complete, they drove back to be with her family. Lyn has four children. Rich had none, and he was told that because of his cancer, he probably would never be able to have a child.
So imagine their surprise and delight when Lyn and Rich discovered they were going to have a baby! Blessing as it was, it was also a financial upheaval neither one was prepared to handle and neither of them had parents who were able to help financially. But Lyn and Rich are resourceful and Lyn jumped online to find a number of items to “win” (on Listia) for their little Nova Skye, due in June.
Because Lyn requires bedrest due to complications with her pregnancy, her inability to contribute financially has further fractured the family’s income. With four other kids and a couple of pets to support, they have to seek other accommodations, so they will no longer be a burden to Lyn’s mom (though I doubt Lyn’s mom sees it that way).
Yes, we have all made choices that have landed us in our current predicaments. Yes, Rich was told he would probably not be able to have kids. But he and Lyn are expecting their baby very soon. I see that as a miracle. Like being told you’ll probably never win the lottery, you expect you won’t, but sometimes you do. Lyn and Rich felt they won the lottery when they met each other and now are going to have a baby. They risked reaching out to ask friends to help them, and some of those friends abandoned them. I am not one of those friends.
You can read Their Story by clicking the link.
Afterword: Lyn and Rich share the same birthday, May 8th, so Happy Birthday to you both! (I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed your photo.)
Many years ago, a local radio station ran a contest asking people to talk about their most embarrassing moments. While I experience embarrassing moments on an almost daily basis, one stood out from the rest and I called the radio station to tell them about it. I won dinner for two at an amazing restaurant because of this, my most embarrassing moment:
My sister, Cindy, and I decided to take a trip to Lake Shafer in Monticello, Indiana. The day was HOT. I don’t mean the kind of hot that people talk about as in, “I couldn’t breathe, it was so hot.” I mean the kind of heat that was so stifling, that as we drove in my no-air-conditioner car, we became so delusional, we actually got out of the car when we saw a sign that said, “Watch for ice on bridge.”
My sister was wearing a tube top and…
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“I sometimes wonder if blacks are responsible for perpetuating the black/white controversy by constantly reminding us of every negative thing that has happened – and continues to happen – to them over the years. Or is the white community responsible for proliferating the stereotype? Media contributes to the picture of blacks being disemboweled by whites and some law enforcement groups jump on the hate bandwagon by targeting blacks as well. Why not? They’re easy to spot, aren’t they? But aren’t Asians too? Why did our hatred of the Japanese end so swiftly?”
Read more by clicking the link.
Though this post was written three and a half years ago, I feel the same way now as I did when I wrote it.
I’ve had it up to here (here being so far out of the stratosphere, it would take you a hundred lifetimes to measure) with talk of immigration.
The know-it-alls spout off about what should happen and about how we should take care of the matter. They show up ready to fight for “our” land and for “our” rights.
And every time I hear some of the drivel that drools from the mouths of these righteous freedom fighters, I can’t help but think about the time BEFORE this land became OUR land, to the time when the white man claimed to have DISCOVERED this land.
Discovered? Weren’t people already living here? Oh, wait, I forgot. Those people – the “Indians” – didn’t count, because the white man claimed this land for his own.
Must have been quite a predicament – I mean, how can you tell a bunch of…
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You won’t vote for ANYBODY President Obama picks to replace Supreme Court Justice Scalia? You want Obama to step aside, because he is in his final year? Oh, I’m sorry, I meant, during an election year?
HE HAS ALMOST ANOTHER YEAR IN OFFICE! So does that mean that EVERYBODY who plans on leaving their jobs within the year should quit working their final year?
Help me understand this ludicrous, illogical thinking, because NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!
And yet, did it ever?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY are we so divisive? Look at the State of Illinois, for example. Yes, I know, it looks quite dismal. We’ve had NO BUDGET for 8 MONTHS! Why? Well, some people blame the Republicans. Some people blame the Democrats. I guess it depends on whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican. I, for one, wonder if I can use their “reasoning” to explain why I can’t pay my own bills – “I’m sorry, Creditor, I can’t pay you right now, because, well, I just haven’t been able to come up with a budget yet. I might never come up with a budget because I’m fighting with myself right now. Part of me is Republican and part of me is Democrat and I refuse to allow the other part of me to cooperate with myself.” Maybe I’d be committed, which is what I think should happen to all the people responsible for solving the budget crisis that has corroded our Illinois budget.
I don’t care about whether or not you are a Democrat or a Republican. I am neither. I am also not an Independent. I vote for the person, not for the party, BUT, this year, I’m leaning toward Democrats, because of all of the stupidity I see pouring out of the mouths of Republicans. I almost dread watching the next Republican debate. I don’t know about you, but I would like an INTELLIGENT president, not one who will fight with everybody and call everyone liars (see my Short Recap of Yesterday’s Republican Debate for more information).
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY are we so divisive? WHY can’t we look at each other as citizens of our UNITED States instead of seeing each other as opponents?
I’M HONESTLY SICK OF THE DIVISIVENESS OF OUR COUNTRY! No wonder our kids are killing each other! They’re not bright enough yet to use words to get their meanings across so they resort to easily accessible weapons. Fortunately for them, all they have to do is watch a Republican debate and they’ll learn how to fight with words, and then, instead of killing each other, they can run for president someday where they will learn how to kill the Spirit of America. Way to go, Republicans. You have been successful with one thing, you’ve lost my vote!
You’re a LIAR!
NO – YOU’RE a LIAR!
Everything is Obama’s fault!
He’s a LIAR!
Stop picking on my family!
Stop it! People are going to vote for a Democrat if we can’t stop this bickering!
For years my mother raved on and on about one of her favorite TV shows, NCIS. Finally I decided to watch it and, thank you, Mom, I was hooked from the first episode I saw. Then I found older episodes and watched all of them. I got completely caught up and to this day miss a show only occasionally and only because of family commitments.
But now, after having become completely addicted to the show, I discover that Michael Weatherly, who plays Tony DiNozzo, is leaving the show. I am, in a word, sad. Don’t misunderstand me. I won’t stop watching NCIS, because I have grown to love almost all of the characters on the show, but Weatherly was one of my favorites and I will miss seeing his gorgeous face.
I have to admit one thing, at least I’ve been given time to prepare. At least I didn’t have to turn on the show next Fall and wonder what happened to Tony DiNozzo. But, come on! First, Cote de Pablo (who played Ziva David), and now Michael Weatherly? I didn’t have time to miss Sasha Alexander, because I saw her only in reruns, and thankfully Pauley Perrette is still there. Oh, and Mark Harmon and Sean Murray and…
But PLEASE, NCIS cast, no more! Your fans can’t take it! At least not yet.