What Does Dooce Have That I Don’t Have?

I am JEALOUS with a capital J! Of what, you ask?

Of Dooce. If you don’t know who Dooce is, you have been asleep for most of the past couple of years. Dooce (whose real name is Heather Armstrong) is a blogger – a successful blogger – a waaaaay successful blogger.

I am not.

Hardly anybody knows me or reads my blogs. MILLIONS of people know Dooce. She even made it on the Dr. Phil show.

So what is so special about the Dooce blog? Well, she writes about pregnancy and mommyhood.

Hmm, I write about parenthood and grandparenthood. I also write about writing and blogging. Why can’t I garner the same attention as Dooce does?

I’m mystified.

Because of my jealousy, I can’t help but wonder how Heather got to be so famous. Here’s how Dooce promoted her own blog (in her own words on Dr. Phil). She sent links of her blog to all of her friends and family members and asked them to forward the links to their friends and family members and so on and so on.

Hmm again. I did that. So why aren’t I on Dr. Phil? Why can’t I make a living with my blogs?

In Dooce’s case, her friends and family members actually forwarded her links to their friends and family members, and so on, and so on.

In my case, only a couple of people responded. Only a couple of people commented, and I never knew if anybody even read my initial email. So, about a year ago, I asked my mother to forward my links and this is what she said, “I am not going to ask my friends to read something they are not going to be interested in.”

“How do you know they won’t be interested in them?”

“Because I know my friends and I just know that they won’t.”

So you mean I have to sit here in cyperspace, an unknown entity, for the rest of my blogging life because I can’t even convince my own mother to read my blogs?

Eventually my mom relented, perhaps because I was pathetically begging her and she couldn’t stand such a show of weakness, but I could imagine the email she sent –

Dear Friends and Family Members,

I really hate to interrupt you, and I detest having to ask this question, because I know you won’t be at all interested, but Terry (my nick name) won’t stop harrassing me about forcing you to read her ridiculous blogs, and, as you know, I can’t lie to her, so I’m begging you to read them – if you want to – I certainly can’t force you to read them – and only if you have time. If you don’t, I completely understand, because, believe me, I have a hard time reading them myself. They’re like reading (not even watching) one of those stupid reality shows.

I imagine Dooce’s family and friends forwarded her links with a letter much like this one:

WOW! Do you believe it? Dooce has created one of the funniest, most entertaining blogs on the planet. You just HAVE to read what she has to say! You are going to love it so much, you’ll want to forward this link (which was probably emphasized in big bold red letters). Enjoy! And wish her the best of luck!

And of course, they all responded and read her blogs and forwarded her links and clicked on her ads and made her the successful blogger she is today.

I could probably make a living blogging, too, if people knew I existed. I would LOVE to make a living as a blogger, but here’s the problem – my mom loves fiction, so probably all of her friends do too. I write nonfiction. Reading my nonfiction entries is like torture to my mom. She’d rather have her toenails ripped off.

When I recently begged her again to forward them, she said she had been forwarding them all along. My bad (ewww, I never thought I would say “my bad”).

So that’s why I hate Dooce. Well, it’s not actually hate that I feel for her, but  I’ve decided (and resigned my self to the fact) that she must have that “IT” factor, not as in Stephen King’s IT, but as in the I-am-somebody factor. Or she knows how to market herself really well. I am a marketing dolt.

My sister is having the same problem with her website, My Looks Online as I am having with my blogs. She came up with a very creative and helpful “product” and asked her friends and family to comment. Cindy (my sister) and I must live in a make-believe world filled with the fantasy that we actually have friends and family who support our endeavors.

Hardly anybody responded to her either. So I invite you to click on the link above and offer your opinions to people who are curious about their looks. I also invite you to submit a photo of yourself and ask your own question about your looks.

In the meantime, in my rather humble manner, I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce you to my other blogs in the hopes that somebody will find at least one of them worth reading (beneath the blog links are links to my articles):

Writer of Blogs

Help For Single Parents

Paranormal Minds

My Heart Blogs To You

Your Blog Connection

Disclaimer: Cindy and I do have the love and support of our mother and our closest friends and family members, but for those of you who ignored our pleas for help, may you rot like a moldy tomato.

Disclaimer to the disclaimer: I feel very badly about what I just wrote. I really don’t want you to rot like a moldy tomato. So make me feel better and READ MY BLOGS AND VISIT MY SISTER’S WEB SITE!

So what does Dooce have that I don’t have? – A following!